Man Hits Woman, Fault of the Woman

In group on multiple occasions, Bob raised the topic of men hitting (or otherwise assaulting) their wives/girlfriends. He assigned blame to the women. His rationale: the women were withholding their love, and they provoked the reaction. 

Bob spoke about this in thinly veiled abstract terms. But it was clear to me (and everyone else, I'm quite sure) that he abused* Tam physically. In one of these groups, Tam was uncharacteristically wearing heavy makeup. 

* Cult members wouldn't use the word abuse. They subscribe to Bob's rationale.