Gaslighting

Bob frequently berated the group as a whole. His anger was directed at what he perceived as childish behavior. In particular, he was angry that nobody was willing and able to be his equal, harkening back to themes expressed in Bob's Song. 

This provided Bob with a handy self-exoneration for the fact that, indeed, everyone did act blatantly infantile in relation to him. Bob never once took an iota of responsibility. The inequality was everyone else's fault. 

Once or twice a year, the kabuki theater would rise to a crisis. Bob would rage and threaten to move out. During some (most? all?) of these episodes, he was furious with his wife Tam. It was obvious that the anger Bob was expressing towards the group was a spill-over effect. But nobody said so. 

Cult leaders berating their followers isn't uncommon.